Friday, January 16, 2009

Cluck, cluck, cluck, playing chicken

We suffer yet another mishap with our Safeway delivery. Safeway tell me in turn, that it isn’t really a hic-cup, merely a cock up, because I have a Mac rather than a PC, although their comment is far more PC than my translation. It has taken me many days to complete the order, always dashing away from the computer to tend to some domestic crisis or other. The lap top has remained permanently open and subject to all kinds of mischief from several different contributors. Nonna’s Mac lesson has meant that use of my laptop has become a free for all. Until recently no-one dared to touch it, but the visual cue of Nonna's usage was noted by one and all. Once seen, the witnesses never forget, because they are quick learners.

I learn that it is unwise to combine on-line shopping, teaching a family game of Scrabble and menu planning.

As a result, my daughter is delighted by the windfall of white flatulent bread, the type that never graces our wholesome home, where whole-meal is de rigeur and enforced with rigour. I also cannot account for the duck sitting in the fridge, since I ordered chicken. I can’t even remember when I last ate duck or how to cook it come to think of it? I can only assume that I hit the wrong button in haste. We now also have enough salted peanuts to see us through to 2010.

Suddenly everyone is hell bent upon sandwich making, self initiated by the visual cue of fluffy white dough. Lashings of peanut butter and jam, slather the kitchen and the children when Nonna appears in the kitchen. “Ooo are we going to feed the ducks?”
“Dah white bread….isn’t it for dah ducks?”
“Not really……it’s for the children……a snack.”
“Wot appened to dah ducks den?”
“What ducks?”
“Dah ducks? Dah ducks you used to ave?”
“We’ve never kept ducks……or any other fowl for that matter.”
“No……not real ducks………doz other tings?”
“Which other things?”
“Oh……you know…….ducks…….yellow…..”
“Plastic ducks? Bath ducks?”
“Yes! Ooo you used to have hundreds of ducks. Where are they now?”
“You know…… that they’ve all learned to swim, we don’t need the ducks to entice them into the pool any more…….I gave them to charity.”
“Ooo dats sad…….so are you going to cook it den?”
“Cook what?”
“Dah duck.”
“How did you know about the duck?”
“Well…….I order it for you…….on dah computer.......make a nice change from chicken don’t you tink?”

Note to self:- save time, cancel the Mac lessons, she’s graduated.


Hilary said...

Nonna is such a riot! I love these exchanges.

Niksmom said...

LAMO! That Nonna is a sly one, indeed! I'd make *her* cook the darned thing!

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

yes, she has! bless her heart!

smiles, bee

Lori said...

What a pistol!

I think I will take your advice:

"it is unwise to combine on-line shopping, teaching a family game of Scrabble and menu planning."

Jayne said...

Lordy, Nonna will be getting her degree in IT management soon!

DJ Kirkby said...

Oh you do make me laugh! Flatulent white bread...I send Chopper to do the shopping, much safer than trusting myself with millions of virtual shelves to chose from!

Trish said...

Wish I could help, but I love squishy white bread and have never cooked duck! Enjoy your peanuts. :)

Marita said...

Awesome. Way to go Nonna!

Here I was thinking online shopping was a way to avoid children slipping unwanted items into the shopping trolley. Looks like it could be far more dangerous.

Sandra said...

Another great story, Maddy.

Patois said...

Goodness, it really is a laugh-fest. From afar, for sure.