And other old sayings

He’s barely over the threshold after work when I detail him off to remind his mother to take her pill whilst I finish off supper preparations. Even with the extractor fan working full tilt above my head I can still hear every word they say together in her bedroom with the windows open.
“I need to go to the bank to get some money. I aven’t been for a week.”
“You don’t need any money. Anyway, you’ve not been to the bank out here.”
“Ow long I been ere den.”
“2 months.”
“2 weeks……well I suppose…..”
“Months! Two months not two weeks.”
“Two months! Gawd I can’t ave been ere dat long. I need to go home. When I go home den?”
“September. Another month.”
“Gawd! Another month you say?”
“Yes.”
“It’s like……”
“What?”
“Like fish!”
“You don’t like fish. You hate fish.”
“I know……but it’s like fish.”
“What’s like fish?”
“A guest is like three day old fish.”
“What?”
“A guest.”
“What guest?”
“A guest! Me! You silly goose. A guest is like three day old fish!”
“Huh!”
“Smells bad! I’ve bin ere too long.”
“No you’ve not. Don’t be daft. This is your home.”
“Gawd it’s not at all. I ave my own ome.”

He re-appears in the kitchen, eye gouging. I feel a tad guilty. There are so many repeats that I assume he’s heard them all before. I feel a bit like a thief. She’s his mother not mine. It’s not just the repeats but the treasures of childhood, Mussolini, the war, Italy, her youth. Admittedly they’re repeats too, but I just assumed that we were singing from the same hymnal.

“I take it you’ve not heard that one before then?”
“The fish? Nope. Never heard that one before.”
“Funnily enough…….”
“O.k. Point taken. How often?”
“Doesn’t matter. What does matter is that we use the same tactic.”
“Enlighten me?”
“She’s not a guest……she’s family.”
“Ugh…..that’s a bit gushy for you.”
“Only if you have to say it more than once and be sincere, then it grates a bit.”
“Pass the barf bag.”
“Believe me, I have every reason to regret the things that first come out of my mouth and are then cast in stone to be repeated, I’ve had lots of practice.”

And other old sayings

http://sandwichedgenes.blogspot.com/2009/08/and-other-old-sayings.html