Friday, October 10, 2008

Chomping at the bit[e]

I rush around the kitchen, chopping and chiding.
“Will you still eat the coleslaw if I leave the sultanas out?”
“Of course Mother dearest. You know me, I’ll eat anything.”
“The goat’s cheese has herbs and garlic in it. Will that still be o.k. for you?”
“Of course.”
“Well I didn’t want to overload the garlic in case you were going out or something.”
“You know. Meeting your chums. I wouldn’t want you to gas them with garlic breath.”
“My friends aren’t that picky.”
“It’s so tricky to take account of everyone’s needs and yet still keep pushing the healthy diets.”
“Just as well some of us are easy to accommodate.”
“I’m hoping that I’ll be able to persuade them to eat the flan if I pile enough caramelized onions on top.”
“Well if not, I’m always here.”
“I’m not sure if the Rosemary glaze will be too over powering for the carrots……or rather…..the children?”
“No problem, all the more for me.”
“I’ve cheated a bit.”
“If they won’t eat the goat’s cheese I’ve put Parmesan on the Bruschetta. Nonna likes the Bruschetta, so I’ve made extra. I’m trying new tricks to get cheese into them. Do you mind?”
“Coronary please!”
“I slipped some finely chopped olives into the mixture. I hope they don’t notice.”
“Chunks Mother, I love chunks.”
“Yes, but chunks are much easier to pick out. Their finger tips are surgeon’s scalpels.”
“No progress on the knives and forks then, what a surprise.”
“I also need to ease up on the puddings. Too many diabetics around here. The fruit campaign is going to suffer.”
“Well there’ll be a few more diabetics in the future if you don’t get a grip.”
“Quinine’s supposed to be good for leg cramps, but I’m not having much luck selling that one either.”
“Nonna doesn’t strike me as a gin and tonic kindofa woman.”
“Hmm….the butter and olive oil consumption as doubled.”
“Very slick. All this effort! Why do you bother?”
“Well I have to keep trying or they might fade away completely.”
“Do you really think he’ll have a go?”
“Him? Oh no, he won’t eat any of this, not one scrap. It’s all for everyone else.”
“Oh……so what will he eat whilst we’re scoffing this down?”
“Ritz crackers.”
“Ritz. That’s it?”
“What do you mean ‘that’s it?’ It’s a hellavan advance on Goldfish Crackers missy!”


Sheri said...

My husband used to have issues with leg cramps and the quinine pills were a problem, so the doc told him to eat a dill pickle before bed, same effects as quinine. And it worked!

Osh said...

I will eat it all, thank you very much!